goodbye old friend

I have blogged on this before a couple years ago but there's been a finalization to it that I wanted to follow-up on.

I developed a friendship during college that neither one of us saw coming. It turns out that I at that time looked an awful lot like one of the administrators for the student body. I recall a particular student insisting that we had a conversation in my office and he wanted to follow up. I had no idea what he was talking about and no concept as to where my office might be. I was unable to convince the student was not who he thought I was so I "made an appointment" with the student and told him to be a my office at that particular time. I then proceeded to do my best over the next few weeks to find out who it was the student thought I was so I could meet this person and apologize, and possibly laugh over the fact that this student showed up for appointment that I had made.
Well we did meet and we became great friends.

Over the years I got to know his family and he got to know mine. I would hang out with him at his house, I worked on his house, and ate there often. I also would stop by his office while I was still at school and discuss any number of topics like any good friend does.
I left at school after a couple years and continued elsewhere but our friendship remained. Over the next few years as I entered in the ministry he was involved in many discussions and debates over where it should be of what it should look like. I became a sounding board for his concepts regarding the administration of the school and things that he would want to try or do and how to present them to those in charge.
Our families became friends, I knew his wife and children well,he knew my wife and children.

I was there for him when he left Ministry he was in and went into secular work for a while. It was a tough time for him personally and for his family. Over time you decided to go back into Ministry and again we walked through some pretty difficult times together. I continued to see him on a yearly basis and we would communicate over the phone numerous times throughout the year.
Then one day I made a general phone call to him and it turned out he was leaving. Not just leaving the church he was in but leaving the state is moving literally thousands of miles away. I was shocked, not just that he had decided to leave his church, but that he was moving so far,and if I hadn't called I probably would've never found out about it.
I called more often over the next few months as you is packing to find out more about how he was doing and how the family was doing to make sure we stayed in contact. I was also starting to think that if I wasn't the catalyst for this information I wouldn't be getting the information.

I began to think through our friendship and began to see that over the last few years it was a friendship that I was maintaining. It wasn't a depressing thought but it became obvious to me that the friendship might be coming to an end. Friendship like any relationship has to be interactive, it can't just be something you know it has to be something you live. I enjoyed our friendship but it wasn't a mutual enjoyment anymore. I decided to let a move and after the move purposely become less involved in the maintenance of our relationship.
My suspicions were confirmed when the only information I got from him was the obligatory e-mail to his entire address list regarding this new address and phone number, and the typical form letter at Christmas time with the family photo.

I did respond to the e-mail, and each Christmas letter I received over the next three years, I never got a return response. I did call him twice and left messages but once again never heard personally from him. In a weird twist I found out about his daughter's wedding from his future son-in-law who invited me to the barbecue. I appreciated the invite but found it ironic that somebody I had no relationship with was asking me to come to celebrate the wedding of my old friends daughter.

This year I received a letter from him and it wasn't Christmas. Curious I opened it and found it to be a request for money. I was amazed at how much it hurt me, our friendship had been reduced to being a resource. I was actually angry which surprised me given the amount of time it'd been since I've had any contact with him. I found it ironic that in the letter I was described as someone he thought to be interested in the activities of his family. He was right I was interested in the activities of his family but he was the one who wouldn't tell me what the activities were, and now I guess the only way for me to find out about his family was by paying for that information through supporting his new Ministry.
I wrote back, it was personal letter and it took about four rewrites before it finally said what I wanted to say in a way that I thought to be appropriate.
I let them know that I was not willing to be a resource without being a friend. I let them know that being a friend takes time and effort, and if only one of us was willing to put in that time and effort than it's really not a friendship. I let them know that I was willing if he was to restore our friendship to its former place and enjoy the continuing journey together.
I had a gut feeling I wouldn't hear from him. I also had a dim but optimistic hope that I might.

It's been a month now
I don't think he's going to write me back.

Goodbye old friend,..... I really do enjoy the memories of the times that we were close.
I truly hope you have found a friend that can journey with you now.