how far should I go

Is anal sex..... sex?

That was a question posed to me and a couple other leaders here at church.
I smiled when I heard it because I thought of how far we had come from when I was a teenager and how short a time it took. It wasn't a smile of contentment it was a smile of amazement.

The question really when I was growing up was "how far should I go" how much physical contact can I have with a girl before it becomes "wrong".
I guess you could also come from a girl's perspective with a boy ...But I was quoting my mind not some else's.

I started out with some understanding where this was coming from. I understand that there are cultures overseas in which anal sex is not considered sex. I read stories of fathers to allow their daughters to be used in the sex trade business but only for anal sex so that they can marry them off as virgins. I know this tends to mostly come from the Middle Eastern cultures, at least the stories I've read have come from those cultures.
I know was also shown to be a rather as acceptable discipline of servants and the Afghanistan culture in the movie "the kite Runner"
and a pretty large hullabaloo was made over a movie "broke back Mountain"several years ago regarding the same activity.

So with that in mind I began to try and formulate an answer to the question because although 20 years ago it would have been considered an absurd question to ask in a church let alone to several of the church leaders this person was being sincere and really wanted to know.

I ended up landing on this concept.
Would you allow your spouse to engage in anal sex and still consider them being faithful?

This particular person was quick to respond. Their response was "no". And then they smiled and I smiled back and I asked the question how far would you allow your spouse to go before you would consider them being unfaithful.?

This person turned out to be fairly conservative in their opinion regarding physical activity of faithful married people, and then I asked is it fair to engage in those activities before you are married and still consider yourself pure and faithful to the one whom you may marry in the future.?

I did not spend the time to push the point home, I did not spend the time making sure they understood where Gods view was coming from. I did not spend any time making sure that they were feeling guilty.
Could I have said more ..Yes but

I smiled, and told them to have a nice day, and let them know that was a very good question.